22 February 2012

coming out in the military

Told to me by a friend

When I was in the service a guy fell in love with me
or at least lust

We were racquet ball partners; newly formed friends
One day while in the showers he abruptly walked out, left the gym and disappeared

I went back to my dorm room and went to sleep

Later that night he burst into my room , drunk, saying how he loved me ~ crying actually

I tried to reason with him but he was pretty hysterical.
we went to the beach to talk since it was very dangerous to speak of such things in the dorm
I told him I wasn't gay and there was no chance

He wanted to die

On the way to the beach he tried to run in front of a passing train
I tackled him on the gravel next to the tracks
we then walked to the beach (I was pretty pissed at him actually for all of the theatrics, but sad for him at the same time)

When we got to the beach he wouldn't stop so I hit him a few times, not hard at all, but I needed him to know it wasn't going to work

He cried more

I felt terrible...

...but I left

I saw him a few times later, but we never talked
(btw my strikes did not leave any marks)

Q: Do you know what happened to him?

He was a nice guy

I understand now the time of his life and what he was going through
I think his father was military and put pressure on him to join, IIRC

Also note that at that time in the military the AFOSI was hot on investigating gays
it was very dangerous to be caught with anyone suspected of being gay. FWIW, this was in the fall of '83

My drinking buddies for a time were my squadron commander, a female lieutenant who "looked" dykish but was really into men, and a girl we called "Miami" ~ who was gay ~ and was being actively investigated by the AFOSI

I remember he spoke of being embarrassed about getting a partial erection while we were in the showers (I never noticed, but had he stayed I might have)

My main motivation for hitting him was tough love in that it really bothered me but I (and he) couldn't afford all of the noise and drama he was producing at the time

I cared, but in that setting there was nothing else to do

To be clear ~ when I say it bothered me, i mean it bothered me to hit him


  1. I'd be curious to hear what happened to the guy, but I guess we'll never know...

  2. That's interesting, if not poignant.